I am sure everyone has been wondering, what in the world have those crazy kids been up to these last two weeks? I haven't been able to read anything about them or see any pictures of their cute little girl!
I know, I know. I am so sorry to disappoint. Please, lend me your forgiveness. We have lots of ground to cover, so let's get started.
First of all. Here we sit, in Starbucks.
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| Thank the Lord, she is sleeping still. Type fast!!! |
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| No really, we are in Starbucks. Do you think I can get an endorsement for saying Starbucks a lot? |
Rather, we are in Illinois.
All three of us.
Daddy, Mommy and Baby.
You get it.
So here's the skinny.
Drew was able to get into the apprenticeship early, like...way early. Like, last week early. It was insane. Here's how it went:
We got home on Sunday evening from our 'visit' to IL. Thursday of that week we got the call. It went something like this:
Gary: "Are you sure you want to do this?"
Drew: "Yes, I'm 100% committed."
Gary: "Good, you're in. Now, you have to be in class Monday and work starts in September."
Me: Oh dear. I immediately started making lists in my head. And then I freaked out.
Drew: Oh dear, I don't feel so good.
On one hand, it was a complete answer to prayer. We've been wanting to move back to IL for some time, since Christmas actually. We'd talked about it over and over. Do we leave our family whom we love? How can we just go and not be around them? What about the kids? And we just had a baby! I can't move right after giving birth! I'll never recover! And what about work? We can't just leave Josh! etc. etc. etc.
But again, the Lord's timing prevails. He really is incredible. I love how He works. It seems that there is no possible way something is going to work out in the time frame He sets, and then...it does! AND He gives us the grace to get through it. If this last couple of weeks isn't proof of that, I'm not sure what is.
So, we got the news, freaked out a bit, or a lot, and then I sprang into action. I say "I" for a reason...
I'd like to also add another twist to the story. Drew got sick. And when I say sick, I don't mean "Oh, I've got the stomach flu and I'll feel better in a few days." Drew's been sick since March. In May, he was diagnosed with Thyroiditis, and it's not as glamours as it sounds. Now, he seems to be recovered from that, but we found out most recently that now his pituitary gland isn't working correctly. Mostly his endocrine system is on the frits, somehow. It causes all of his glands to freak out. Adrenals, thyroid, pituitary... Now, and ordinary person would think...well, so? Ha, you keep talking.
My mister, whom I love dearly, has been battling with the most intense form of spiritual warfare I've seen yet. In the past, he had dealt with anxiety, but when he gave his life to the Lord, he was healed. No more medicine, no real episodes to deal with.
ENTER: Decisions vs. Body Function.
*disclaimer* What I am about to say may seem confusing or weird and completely unrealistic to some...however it is a real thing.
Ephesians 6:12 says: "12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
What this means is, everything we go through, every trial, every hardship is the result of the battle for our souls. Here is the basic principle. God = Good. Satan = Bad. God and Satan are at war for the souls of EVERY SINGLE PERSON on Earth. Why? Because God LOVES us and Satan HATES us and wants to take as many people to hell with him as he can. God and Satan are fighting (right now and continually) in the heavens. Can you picture it? Satan uses every hardship in our lives to try to win us over to his side. He whispers (or yells) things like this in our ears...
"Are you sure about this decision? What about x, y, and z?"
"What will every think about you? Don't you know how they will react?"
"How are you going to make this work? There's not enough time in the day!"
...and so on. And frankly, these are the easy questions. How about these...
"You're fine. Just do what you want to do. That's what's most important."
"Your happiness is what matters. Do what feels good to you."
There are so many more lies floating around our heads, but there isn't enough time left here on earth to name them. Do you want to know what God says?
"Trust me."
"Pray and ask, and then trust me."
"No really, just trust me."
So, in short, we are not facing everyday struggles that don't have meaning, purpose or an end result. We aren't just traveling through time, killing time until we either get whatever we want or meet our end. We are heading toward a goal. If you so choose, you can be heading toward the Lord, fighting with all your might to not succumb to the devil and his wiles. Or you choose to live your own way, doing what you want because it makes you feel good at the time, all the while, joining the masses on the escalator heading straight to hell. There's no middle of the road. In fact, Jesus say's that's even worse that picking a side. Just saying.
Forgive my bluntness, but this is real, and serious. I have been struck with the reality of these things more and more recently.
Perhaps it's time for some good news? Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior of the world. Yahoo!! Because we are born enemies of God (see Genesis, when Adam sinned and therefore we are born into sin.) we are in need of a Savior. When we want to go our own way, in rebelliousness toward God, He steps in and says..."Wait a minute...I died and faced the wrath of God so you don't have to suffer the punishment for the sins you're about to commit, even though you totally deserve it. Don't give in! Don't do it! You don't have to!"
And what is sin you ask? James (4:17) says, "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them." Sin is rebelliousness toward God. Natural, everyday life, unless it's being lived in surrender the Lord Jesus and for his glory, is rebelliousness toward God. When we don't consider him daily, or when we take his name in vain, or when we ignore our conscience, which upon conversion is revealed as his Holy Spirit...these aren't even the 'normal' sins we think of. To me, these are the real issues...everything else stems from this.
Let's get back to the good news. When you repent of your rebelliousness and receive Christ as Lord of your life, you are set free from the natural world and you get a whole brand new heart! One that doesn't even want to sin! You get to consider the Lord because he is within you! You get to change your mind and turn from the things that harm you. Not to mention, you get the eternal prize of going to heaven! No more fear of death, no more knowing you're wrong and surely going to hell, where there will be torment, fire, and the pain that only comes from separation from God.
THE POINT: When you DO accept the Lord, you enter into battle. Accepting him is hard, sure...but you must know what happens next. The devil gets pissed. He wants you back, and everyday he works and works to bring you back to his side of things. How does he do it? Let me show you from our point of view.
There we were, trucking along...enjoying life. Living in MO with nary a care in the world. Drawing close to the Lord, and loving our family. Seems cool, right? Sure we had to deal with everyday things, learning to love our families through hard times from being close to each other. That's hard enough. But add in a new decision and things get hairy.
For Drew and I making a decision is an incredible thing. Neither of us were ever good at that. We are both double-minded. FACT. We have, for as long as either of us can remember, been that way. We've always leaned on our fellows to help us.
What was our decision? To leave the family that loves us to come to IL to face all sorts of battles. Work, family, living alone...etc. If you live any life at all, you know that it isn't always a picnic. It turns out there is a bigger battle in IL than in MO. More people, more battles. Logic. So why would we leave a place with peace and love and come to a battle zone? Because you don't learn to trust in the Lord nearly as fast if you're not dealing with the issues in your life. So that's what we decided to do. Let's go out on a limb and move back to IL. Good thing the Lord is de'Vine.
Back to Drew and the problem. From the minute he woke up on the Thursday we went to leave for our first visit to come sign up for the apprenticeship, he felt like crap. His body was racing and he wasn't going anywhere. He had all sorts of anxieties coming back and flooding his mind with fear. I packed everything myself, and drove to IL with him in the passenger seat wondering what in the world was going on. We spent that week in prayer and wondered what in the world was happening to him. Were we doing something wrong? Had we made the wrong decision? What happened to the Lord? Wasn't he with us and taking care of us anymore? What now?
The week passed with only a slight relief to Drew's symptoms.
Then we got back to MO and received our next orders. MOVE TO IL. In 2 days. GO.
Guess what. Symptoms were back in full force. He experienced with worst anxiety he's had ever. He continually called it torment. I have never had to call upon the Lord like this in my life. I prayed and prayed for my husband. I prayed over him, calling on Jesus name, rebuking the devil (which seems crazy, but totally called for and biblical) if only to help him get through several panic attacks. We went to the doctor and were informed that he now has a pituitary issue, which could be the cause of all the adrenaline rushing through his body. Not to mention, no doctors will see him in IL. Bonus. Why do we have hospitals and doctors again?
He wasn't able to help me with the move at all. I had to take care of him, the baby, and pack up our house in 2 days. To be fair, he did go get the moving truck. But that used up all of his strength for the day and he spent the rest of the 'packing day' at JnJ's house laying down trying to keep his head straight. Thankfully, we had tons of help and support from our family.
I had a few breakdowns myself during that weekend. But like I said earlier. The Lord provides the timing and the grace to get through everything.
So, in 4 days we made a final decision to move, packed, moved, and suffered through it all. That was not easy. Thankfully, Drew was able (by the Lord's grace) to drive the moving truck to IL. He had to start class the next day wasn't able to help me unpack at all. But again, family stepped in to help and I couldn't be more grateful.
Here's the cool part. Drew's fine now. We experienced the most intense, stressful, doubt filled trial in our lives thus far and we've come out on the other side. We're alive, healthy (as far as we know) and moving forward.
Remember those lies I was speaking about earlier? You can bet our heads were full of them.
"You're making the wrong move. This isn't right. Why would God let you go through these things if you were on the right path? Shouldn't you reconsider? You're moving backward, not forward."
Remember what God says? "Trust me."
So, we've trusted him. And we will continue. Trusting the Lord doesn't necessarily make things easier in the moment...but in hind sight it is always a relief, even if you can't feel it at the time.
So, the extra goodies we get are the simple joys that having a child brings.
8 Weeks:
She is smiling, and cooing now. She knows her Mommy and Daddy and loves us incredibly already. She wakes up and stretches like she's just too glad to be awake and diaper changes are the best thing in the world. Next to eating, of course. She LOVES the ceiling fan.
I know this was a heavy post. But life is short. I love everyone who is reading these words. I want to see everyone in heaven. Not only that, but I want to see you set free right now, so you can enjoy your life to the full...not just live because that's what we do.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10.
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